just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
