Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
