i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
