I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
