sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
