I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
