that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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