maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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