YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
