well I can't set my house on fire every night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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