I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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