Who wears a wallet chain?!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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