i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
