My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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