Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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