shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just high enough for therapy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
