Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
