It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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