You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
