i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
