No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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