We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
