hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
