Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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