My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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