OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I touched a dick in church today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize