we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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