He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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