In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I want a musical about memes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
