The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
