i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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