God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
