That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
