At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
