the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
