I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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