my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
