If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
