my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
