yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't think brook has ever known best
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
