Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
