WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
