i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
