im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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