3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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