Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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