The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
