I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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