I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
