Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
