we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
