This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
