you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
