Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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