and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
