I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
