just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I want a musical about memes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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