You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
