I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
