just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
