i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You left your phone here
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