if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize