I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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