I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
