Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize